Sunday, September 30, 2012

What's a Mother to do??

It’s never easy being “Mom”-watching our babies stumble through this life and wanting to kiss their booboos and smack down anyone that hurts them.  It’s difficult to watch them make mistakes as they grow into their teen years. It hurts most when they do things that hurt so much that you’re not sure you’ll ever get over it---but you do, and welcome the hugs and presents and just get past it and bury the pain.

As they become adults, you hope that all the stuff you told them has made some sort of positive impact on their lives.  A bit of wisdom to guide them on this adventure called “life”.  Getting angry with them when despite all that you’ve tried to tell them, they make dumb mistakes and decisions that ultimately hurt them and all the hopes and dreams they had in their younger years are slowly eroded into what amounts to everyday living, Work, families of their own, and all the sweet simple stuff.

They settle in to their routine and you come to love and accept them just as they are.

As I write this, my first born is in ICU in “guarded” condition fighting for his life.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know the whole story so I’m not going to go through it here. Today, this space is for my selfish side.  To get out all that’s going on in my head. 

I never imagined for a moment that I would be where I am. And I don’t like it one bit! Realistically and logically I know the seriousness of the situation and the possible worst case scenario. Because of my faith, I’m just not accepting THAT outcome. 

Over the past week, since this trial began my faith has grown by leaps and bounds. While I pray all the time, I confess my prayer life in general hasn’t been my strongest spiritual discipline. However, the other day, as I was reading all the comments and support I saw a little seed grow into a prayer tree!  As I posted, I saw friends of friends tell me that their prayer group or church was also praying for John.  And as more folks posted…more groups and churches adding John to their prayers….and so this Prayer Tree is blooming and growing….and I do believe that it reaches all the way into God’s lap!

My laptop wallpaper says it all : “God is in control”.  I’ve yelled at Him, screamed at Him, and most of all, thanked Him for surrounding me with His love-and all of you!

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