Saturday, July 3, 2010

Looking Within to Look Ahead

I can hardly believe it myself but it's been 6 months since I've bothered to blog about this road called "life"

Back then I mentioned that the last day of the year was a day of reflection on what was behind, and goal-setting and planning in anticipation of what would lie ahead. As I wrote I also mentioned that seeing as how I'm now in the "mature" stage of life, that I had come to accept that I just couldn't do it all as I had in the past. While I said it, and believed it then, well, ACCEPTING it just didn't come as easily!
Soon after I wrote that and the family departed after the holidays, I was all excited and ready to get to all those things I mentioned. Well, that too quickly went by the wayside and my sense of personal integrity very quickly diminished with it.

There were a number of things that soon altered the path of those grand plans. First, the "Margin" series at church which really brought home the truth that MY plans had none. OK, so back to the drawing board…and just when I thought I "got it", along comes the "Forgotten Virtues" series that again blew my seemingly wonderful goals and ideas out of the water and me into a spiraling emotional and spiritual crisis. As I cried within, and took it the One who knows me best, He provided a bit of guidance as I was reading one day. 2 Corinthians 13:5 says "Examine yourself…test yourself…" …and so, since then, that's exactly what I've been doing, even now.

As to accepting that I'm leaving one season of life and entering into a new adventure-well, it still isn't easy. I feel the aches, and can forecast the weather by them too! I see the wrinkles starting to form around my eyes and realize I'm looking more and more like my mom. I'm also learning to appreciate the unscheduled afternoon nap which I find is needed because I can't seem to sleep for more than 4 hours a night. And most of all, as I continue to get used to this "getting old" thing, I am (most of the time) giving myself permission to stop trying to do so much!

I, like most people, I think; am my own worst critic. I'm still quite a perfectionist in all I do and with that comes the procrastination. After all, if I can't do it right, put it off until I can! I set lofty (can you say "unrealistic") goals then beat myself up when I fall on my face. Did I mention that this has been a pattern throughout my adult life? Consequently, as another year and another birthday passed, I felt even more and more unworthy, useless, hopeless with each day that I didn't accomplish what I wanted!

Along the way, the lessons I've learned are many. The greatest one is that I am loved with an everlasting love just as I am. I am accepted by God and need only love Him and my neighbor-even as He loves me-UNCONDITIONALLY! That being said, I've been a lot more into the Word, and more disciplined in prayer. Each day I ask only to accomplish what I can and trust God that this is all I can do and more so NEED to do. Best of all, I'm starting to like this "getting old" thing. There is a certain freedom in going slower, doing what I can and most of all believing that I'm right where God wants me.

My prayer is that you all have a safe and wonderful Independence Day. But remember that our only real freedom comes from knowing Christ! (Gal. 5:1 & Col. 2:8)

If you would like to see the messages from Church ONLINE that I referred to check out the archive

No comments:

Post a Comment