It's OKAY!

So here we are... already into the third week of this new year!  How's your resolutions going so far? ... or work toward your goals? If you are like most of us, many of us have already "failed".  With that being said I want to let you know that I have also...and it's OKAY!

It is too easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior after even just one slip! I am speaking for myself first and foremost. My television fast was quickly compromised when I got that nasty flu bug that is going around.  During that time I sought mindlessness while suffering the aches and pains.  Now, after a week of falling off that wagon, here I sit telling you that it's OKAY!

God isn't going to love me any less. The world isn't going to come to an end and most important of all is that I can pick up where I left off.  Today is my time of reviewing the past week, planning the week ahead and adding and/or removing things from my plan that are just not that important after all.  I have a tendency to over-schedule my life and activities without much thought to overall time management. That overwhelm, in turn, often leads to just throwing my hands in the air and feeling like a quitter-and that REALLY bugs me and conflicts with my view of myself!

And so here I am today, writing the first blog post of the new year! This was a task I self-assigned that should be done at least three times a week! Abiding Ways website is fallow and undeveloped, still haven't gotten familiar with Wordpress or installed it either.  I have lots of ideas but execution? Ah well, it's OKAY!

I HAVE made MD and dentist appointments! I am reading scripture daily and doing my basic Flylady.net stuff. Even de-cluttering a bit as I head toward a minimalist lifestyle. As I do at least some of the stuff that I believe in, I'm learning that it's OKAY to not keep up with those things that are less important and keeping my God-given priorities in order. And have I really failed? Instead I believe that I just took a few hits in my personal pride and God gave me a few lessons! 

He's funny like that... and I am so thankful!

I'd love to hear how you're doing with your current 2015 stuff! And please, share the lesson(s) you may have learned when you felt like a "failure".

I AM working on preliminary research for an online Lifegroup (small group) Bible study which would also help decide the future of Abiding Ways. It will take only a few minutes of your time to fill out my survey. I'd greatly appreciate your input! https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/9QWRC6H

Job, Mary and Me

Again it's been quite awhile since I've written! I was reminded of this the other day when my daughter in law Dawn mentioned it.

The last few months brought some highs and one very low point. And here I thought I was finally recovering from the loss of son John when, on November 14, I learned that my son Eric had died suddenly... out of nowhere... so here I am again.

First, on to the highs. Right before I got the ugly news I had participated in a Chazown group with members of my church. Mind you, this was online using all that wonderful tech that allows us, tho far away from each other to be together.  Chazown is a group of exercises that helps us to see events in our lives; to see God's big picture and discover our purpose. For me, some themes stood out...and some of what I thought was my calling were less apparent and so I was going to discard them.

...and then I lost another child!

After all that could be done was done and I was once more alone with God, of course I was angry, frustrated, annoyed and most of all in pain.  The "why God, why me" took over for a short time. "What is Your purpose in this?" I need help to understand!!!

Unlike the loss of my firstborn, this loss was less difficult to deal with. I chalk it up to "been there, done that syndrome". It IS difficult to know that I'll never talk to my boy again in this life. I still have moments of anger as I pour out my heart to the only ONE who has the answers...but is silent.

...and that brings me to Job.

If you've never read it, Job was like THE most righteous man on earth in God's eyes.  God even drew attention to this man while satan was before Him.  "Hey you twerp, look at my servant Job! He's the BEST!" Of course, satan being who he is, reminded God that it was easy to be righteous when he had it all. And so God gave him permission to remove the blessings. (Job 1:8-12)

Two verses have gotten me through... first Job 13:15 which reminds me that my first purpose always is to praise God... not the easiest thing to do in this place in my life.  And yet, I do. As to the "why" question... Job 38:4 reminds me that even while I'm feeling so out of control with emotions that at times overwhelm my common sense- God is sovereign... in control.  Right now, I haven't a clue as to what's next in my life. But our God does! I don't know what today will bring, let alone the year and beyond... but I know He has a plan... and He is good. I know from reading the entirety of the book of Job that HOPE is the reward of our faithfulness in life... especially in adversity. Which brings me to Mary...

It is said that this young girl said YES to God without hesitation, freely and joyfully accepting the work God had for her-knowing in advance all the ugliness that would come. ( Luke 1:26-38 ). As we celebrate the birthday of our Lord, a song I love reminds me also of how she must have felt as the hope of the world was dying on the cross.  This song always makes me cry! Even and especially in my grief I empathize with this mother... and have to wonder if the events of our Lord's death took her by surprise as the loss of my two boys did to me.  Here is the song, but I'm betting you already know the song I'm talking about ... http://youtu.be/muUSjNZwN5o

OK to sum up... I have the hope that I will see my sons again.  Eric often said he was angry with God for not letting him say good-bye to John.  They were as close as two brothers could be and I know that he missed him greatly. They were fishing buddies, had an outrageous love of dogs and heavy metal music! And so I imagine that when it's my turn, I'll find them with pups by their side, fishing poles dangling and singing some booming headbanger song.

As we come to the end of this year I have so many to thank for their love and support! The staff of Lifechurch.tv (Dana, Amanda and Austin-you're my heros!) My Church Online teams braving the early hours and googlers for the 7AM CT experiences with me. Of course my sweet, loving, supportive and generous beloved unbeliever Scott.  HE is my port in these storms!

I love my children, my siblings, my grandchildren (and their moms), and most of all I love God and am thankful most of all for JESUS... who is my hope for the world even in the deepest darkest places!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

---- this is the week I set personal goals, hopes, plans and make adjustments... Check out http://chazown.com and let me know if you will be taking this journey to find vision!  See you next year!

What the World Needs Now...

It's been quite awhile since I've posted...
I've got to admit to some minor depression about the death of my son, even after such a long time. Yes, even after almost two years since his hospitalization and the illness that took his life.

In the meantime, it feels (to me anyway) like the world is going to hell in a handbasket! A new and much more powerful terrorist group in Iraq and Syria; the continuing skirmish between Russia and the young country of Ukraine; the Hamas vs. Israel violence that continues; and last but not least, the ugliness in Ferguson, Missouri. And those are just the "big ones"! Not too long ago I heard on the news that there are at least 40 "killing" events going on in the world at any given time.

Lesser but still relevant events include the ebola epidemic in West Africa, the influx of Central American children at our U.S. southern border and let's not forget the House suit against our duly elected president.  And all this just in the month of August!

Really, what is going on? Why can't we all just be reasonable with each other? Really LISTEN instead of attacking? Where is empathy, diplomacy, and the desire to live peacably with one another?

The rich are getting richer, the poor and even the middle class in America are getting poorer. Voting rights are being threatened and let's not forget the gerrymandering of voting districts. More tax cuts for the wealthier among us, subsidies for corporations, while cuts are being made to social programs. Our government officials being bought because now "corporations are people too" and being given religious exemptions because their owners don't want to follow the laws to provide certain services mandated-all the while keeping their bottom line in the black.

Yes, we all have certain inalienable rights, but it is now too often feeling like some folks have more than others. (Reminiscent of the piggies in "Animal Farm" perhaps?)

I have often said that more than caring about others, practicing the Golden Rule, or a government of, by and for the people-it's more about money, power, and influence. Whether it's Putin in Ukraine, or ISIL/ISIS in Iraq- don't they realize that killing and making war is self-defeating?

Here in the USA where we passed a Civil Rights law back in 1965, people are still being judged by the color of their skin. The recent shooting of Michael Brown brought it all to an explosive head in middle America. The continual bias and outright hatred of Muslim Americans is still apparent... as is the vitriol heard often against immigrants, even to the point of demanding that children be returned -- again, against the law.

I don't have any solution for any of this, except that each day I wake up, I do my best to LOVE my neighbor as myself. To do my part to make this world a little bit better for someone, anyone. I try to actively and intentionally LOVE without benefit of gaining money, power or influence. I recall the words of Jesus daily "Love your enemies..." (Luke 6:27–31) I suggest you read the entire passage. What I see there, corny as it may sound is "Love conquers all".

We have become such a selfish, self-centered, ugly world. I guess what really bothers me is that many of these bigoted, black-hearted actions come from people who say we (the USA) is a Christian nation, and wear Jesus like a badge to justify their behaviors. I can only imagine right now the truth of the shortest verse in scripture- "Jesus wept" (John 11:35)

In other news... I am going to try to get back to stuff that I've let slide for too long.  Abiding Ways was initially meant to be a place for group and individual Bible learning. My call to teach has been refreshed as I emerge from the pit of depression and back to the land of the living. What that means for me is that 1) I will be re-doing the entire site, 2) switching over to Wordpress from blogger and 3) be more actively soliciting your attention whether in a blog post or announcing and inviting you to join me in learning.  What do you think? In the next week or so, I'll be asking everyone to comment on a survey so I can better meet YOUR needs and desires to grow closer.
I am also working on a book-sorta... piecing it together for now.  More on that as I get nearer to completion...whenever that may be :)  Thanks for reading-comment as you will!

Racism in the Bible?

I've been incommunicado for quite some time as I heal from the death of my son, had some unexpected health issues and well, just trying to get on with life in general.

In that time I've mostly eschewed politics and the news as during this time I've come to realize more than ever that by believing God is sovereign and in control I also must believe that He's aware of all the politics and unfairness in our country. As a result, I've realized I must, as a Christian believer, trust Him even as the ugliness and unfairness I perceive in this world is something that my Lord is aware of-and while I have mostly abandoned commenting, recent happenings have brought me out of my self-imposed exile of choosing not to comment. 

Instead, I go to my Bible to see what God has to say on an issue... and leave it at that.

I have made some comments on my Facebook page when I see something that is contrary to what I've learned-especially when it's a family member! In other words, I've been pretty faithful to my commitment to keep my mouth closed when it comes to politically charged and/or controversial issues.

So what has brought me out of hiding?  A few seemingly dis-similar events in recent news.  These being first, the Supreme Court's decision that a provision of the voting rights law is no longer needed because racism is no longer a problem. ...and then, of course, the trial of George Zimmerman in the death of Trayvon Martin. And lastly, our presidents' comments on this case.

Full disclosure: I voted for this man and I also have a grandchild who has a similar mixed race geneology (a  Congolese father and a mom from Idaho). As I type, my daughter has made a decision to take her out of public school and home school her instead due to the outright mean hatred of classmates. For all intents and purposes, my granddaughter, by virtue of the color of her skin, could have been Trayvon.

Being troubled by all this, I recalled a story that touches on skin color perhaps.  Check out Numbers 12:1-16 - and for my purposes Numbers 12:1 is the primary focus.

Briefly, Miriam and Aaron came to Moses on the pretext of the fact that he had a Cushite (Ethiopian or perhaps Nubian) wife. The color of her skin is never mentioned and in the many commentaries I've read before I set out to write this, she is described as perhaps "swarthy" or dark and different. The bigger picture is that Marion, and to a lesser degree, Aaron resent Moses special relationship before God. That being said, I have to wonder if the color of this wife's skin isn't more important in God's eyes. Scripture goes on to tell what God did about it... " When the cloud lifted from above the tent, Miriam’s skin was leprous—it became as white as snow (leprous skin disease).-Numbers 12:10 In other words, God put Miriam in her place and she suffered the isolating consequences of any skin disease and was banished from the camp.

Paul taught in Ephesians 2:11-18 that we are all equal before God.  Somewhere, it's written that we, as Americans have "equal justice under the law". I'm not sure that is true anymore, if ever. When I see the stats on prisoners by race, and especially in the "Stand Your Ground" state of Florida, I DO see racism.

Hubby and I were discussing after watching the talking heads comment on President Obama's impromptu appearance and speech. It was mentioned how our parents never had to warn us about the dangers of being Caucasian. We, as "white folk" have never had to fear being pulled over just because of the color of our skin, or the way we dressed.  While I am "color blind" now, I recall something my mom said after I loaned a black girlfriend a dress--- that "they" have an odor that never leaves. I never wore that dress again as a result because mom would have been upset. And I truly don't recall my parents being overtly racist... but subtly, this statement brought to my mind that "they" were not like us.

I was truly baffled by the statement of Mark O'Mara (Mr. Zimmerman's attorney) when he stated that "If Mr. Zimmerman were black, this would have never come to trial".  REALLY!!!  I have to question what world he's living in! The selective blindness for the sake of being seen as righteous is so much like what Jesus called the Pharisees- BLIND GUIDES. Sadly, I see this becoming more prevalent in this land of the free and home of the brave, this land of equal justice for all.

Some time ago, there was a book written called "Black Like Me" about a white man who turned his skin very dark in order to experience and subsequently write about his experience in the 1960s south   ... I venture to say that while, on the surface, we are a less racist society, that if one peels off a layer or two, its all still there. God had it right when He decided to show Miriam how her attitude of jealousy and desire for power colored her-so white that there was a need to banish her from camp!  Truly, my friends, how "white" are you really- pure as the driven snow or as diseased as a leper?

I realize that there are a number of other issues that I could consider in the Zimmerman case (guns, stand your ground, vigilantism, and of course the lesser issues inherent in the case).  I choose instead to focus on the REAL issue that, per judge's order, couldn't be discussed:racism/bigotry/bias and the arrogance of white folk.  The political hotbed of gerrymandering for the purpose of subjugating the minority vote and getting, keeping and maintaining government power to suppress equality are on my mind also-for another day perhaps?

The law of the land has found Mr. Zimmerman not guilty and that's how our justice system works.  As his brother stated-he has to live with having killed a kid for the rest of his life. Soon after OJ was found not guilty, I said to many others that if indeed he is not innocent, he'll perhaps kill again or get into some other trouble-- we do, after all, reap what we sow...and we know where OJ is.

Farewell to yesterday's road

Today my oldest son John would have been 43. I'd like to think he enjoyed all the partying that took place last weekend in his honor... a celebration of his life with a wonderfully loving group of friends and townsfolk who shared stories, played John's music and toasted him with his favorite libation! Javalina Crossing-you're my new favorite BCC hangout, and Tumbleweed Junction... my favorite band!

Soon after I wrote my last post, John passed with a sigh and a grunt.  I'd like to think the sigh was having at last reached the top of that Stairway to Heaven ("our song") and the grunt? That was John pushing the gate of heaven open after his long arduous journey. I'm sure when I get there, he'll be waiting.  I heard from many of his friends that he talked about me a lot more than I might have otherwise been comfortable with.  In fact, he was often described as a "Mama's boy".  ...and that makes me smile!

In retrospect, I realized that in my last post, I was praying God's will. Before then, even as I prayed and believed God for healing, He kept saying no. I'm thinking that even as ornery as he was, the Lord has some important work for him in heaven.  I'll know for sure when my time comes. Though I expect it will have something to do with fishing or caring for all those dogs in heaven.

I'm on my way home tomorrow. Back to "usual" if there is such a thing after this particular road.  I've decided that I'm one month behind the rest of you and starting 2013 on Feb. 1--- and did you know, they're having a Super Bowl on my birthday!

1 John 5:14-15

...waiting...

Sitting with my son John in hospice. It has been five days since the decision was made to rescue him from the debilitation his illness would have left him with. A life that he often said he wouldn't want should that be the path his life took.  And so here we are.

He is looking very peaceful and comfortable thanks to the hourly medication he's receiving. His breathing is fast, with an occaisional deep sigh. Each time he does that my heart quickens-and then he breathes again... and that is where the confusion is. To say I am torn is an understatement. I'm his mom, he's my baby and here I sit waiting for him to die... or get up and walk out of here!

Over these days of waiting, his wife, family and friends and I have laughed, cried, had our "moments", as we call them of weeping and wishing we didn't have to be here. I know when I step away for too long, I want to be by his bedside...and yet I utterly despise that I have to be here at all.

I freely confess that I am angry! Angry with the Lord for doing this to me.  I wonder what kind of love this is, that He would allow my firstborn to go through all this, to hurt his wife like this, to cause this kind of pain to me- one who has been faithful to love, to serve, to do "all the right things" His Word directs.

I've talked a lot about Job in many recent posts...and as sad a tale as that is I cling most to one verse ( Job 13:15 ) . Not to say I always "feel" it, but it reminds me there is more to my current sense of sadness and grief.  I will still be here- and after the emotions I am currently experiencing have faded-my life will continue. The sun will still shine, and my Lord will be right there with me- and help me through (Psalms 23:1-6 )

I want so much for John's body to cease its struggle for breath- to reach the top of that "Stairway to Heaven" -but Lord, the waiting is so very hard! I pray most of all for the waiting to end.

Selfish vs Selfless

It's not often that I write more than 6 posts a year.  As I share my thoughts on this unexpected journey-feel free to share yours. I've always believed in commUNITY and hope that what I write may someday help you, even as your prayers, love and support help me.


As this journey continues, the question remains for Dawn and I: "Are we doing the right thing?"

I have been here before. I've lost a husband in the past and while he died at an unexpected time, it was something I knew was coming. I
can't say I was truly ready but it just occurred to me that at his passing he was just about my son John's age..43.  I was there when my mom succumbed to cancer (age 58).  ...and when my dad suffered heart and kidney failure and we said good-bye.

It is indeed true that the one thing we're sure of is that someday we're going to die. A common saying is that the only guarantee we have in
this life is "death and taxes".  I know that many, if not all of us have given some thought to how we'd like to leave this world. Whether one is a
Christian who believes in going to our heavenly home after our time is done; or, as my beloved believes... that we just cease to exist- you
know that as those you love die, you've wondered what it will be. Is there more after our bodies succumb? To put it bluntly we come face to
face with our mortality. This life WILL end.

Knowing that John is never going to have a quality of life even 50% of what he once had, Dawn and I are faced with the choice to
discontinue curative treatment. Essentially, we would need to tell the doctors and nurses to no longer administer the antibiotics currently
being given. To take him off the ventilator that helps him to breathe easier. To stop the fever-reducing medication and the blood pressure medicine and just keep him comfortable. It means saying good bye to John-even the John that we wish we didn't see in this helpless, debilitated state.

We want to be selfish and keep him with us. We want some indication that the doctors are wrong and that he'll return to the John that made
us laugh, cooked a mean "whatever is in the fridge" meal. Called his mom just because he was bored so we could share music, discuss politics and what shows we were watching on the tube or internet. We want!!!

We've discussed what John would want too.  And even if we were to continue, where he is now would likely not change. He'd really never
return to us as we want.  Right now, it is so painful to see him lying in the bed, connected to multiple monitors and IVs and a respirator. It hurts to know that he would shoot us both for letting him remain in this state. And so, we're going to do the self-less.

...and yet I pray even as Jesus did in Gethsemene “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”
(Lk 22:42).

Unexpected Path...

My vision for this blog, "Along the Way" is to share all the Lord is doing in my life as I journey on the road toward the narrow gate.  If you know me-from Facebook or some other place, you also know that the current road I'm on is not one I ever expected. Indeed, this particular slice of the journey is testing my faith more than even I want to admit.

As I write, I'm in ICU at St. Joseph's Hospital in Phoenix, AZ. I'm spending the night with my beautiful boy John as soon we're going to discontinue treatment and "let go and let God" as the saying goes.

How often do we say that we're going to do this, and then take it back from Him? I know I've done it more often than I can count! I'm sure you have a few of those "Thanks Father, I got this one now" moments. And then He puts us in that position where He's the only one that can possibly show us the way, the right thing to do- His will.

On this journey his wife, Dawn, and I have had more mountaintops (when it seemed he'd recover) and valleys (when another infection attacked or his poor brain would fill up with fluid-AGAIN). We were talking about it the other night and had to wonder if God had given us the right path to choose even before we traversed another of the "valley" times. And oh how it hurts!! And trusting God is ALL I can do!

I know I'm not the first mom to lose a child. And yet it is such a solitary experience also. Thoughts wander to all my "bad mother" moments and how I'd like a do-over. Then, off to all the times John stole my car- even going so far as to bring back one stolen vehicle because it ran out of gas, then stealing the other one!  A few "John got busted" calls, and a time or two when he just needed his mom, even as an adult.

One call, quite a few years ago, he was crying "Mom, my car caught on fire".  When I asked if he was ok, the answer was " yes I'm ok but Mom, it's a '69 Camaro and now it's on fire".  More recently...just about a year ago, his favorite dog, Harley, was severely injured and he was heartbroken-and because he was, so was I.  Harley survived that just as John has survived so much throughout his life. Sadly, Harley passed away just before Christmas, and John never knew it.  And now, if dogs go to heaven, John will be united with him.

I've told John that he's forgiven for all the bad stuff he's done. I've asked John's forgiveness for all the bad choices I have made that affected his own path. I hope and pray most of all that when he stands before God that our Lord will see John's good heart. When it's my turn to go home-Lord, please let me once more see my firstborn.

Most of all, what I miss is the way he'd say "Yes, Mother" when I was having a soapbox moment. It was then I knew he'd heard me.  ...and now, I don't know,.

My Holidays-and HAPPY 2013!

 I'm combining my Christmas and New Year posts. Being on the road... you get TWO :)

Today is Christmas Eve! Where HAS this year gone?  So quickly it has passed and it seems to me that sometimes it went by faster than last year but we all know that we're given 24 hours in each day-365 days each year (except for leap year of course.)

This day wraps up the Advent season-a season of anticipation and waiting.  Having given birth a time or four, I have some idea of what Mary might have been going through as she awaited the arrival of her firstborn. I know that I did!
 
Today as I sit next to the bedside of my firstborn, I wait too. I wait for him to open his eyes and show some sign of recovery; the chance to ask for a smooch and maybe even write on the white board to tell me something he wants or needs. WAITING!  Something I've always considered myself to be good at. But I confess, I get frustrated at times as I wait for John-MY firstborn to show some more action, more activity, more alertness ... just a little bit Lord!

I know my God is faithful and will give me that sign-but the waiting can be agonizing at times. I know it will happen, that occasion when I will see his weak smile, when he will be stronger-strong enough to make his needs and wants understood. WAITING! I quote scripture to myself to re-gain the patience, especially when John takes a step backward. When that happens my faith gets a little weaker, my hope waivers, and I cry-WHY!

As I think I've said before, when I get into the "why me God" place I remember Job who lost so much more and was also physically afflicted much more than my arthritis and achiness that comes with getting older.  I remember what the Lord said to Job: "Where were YOU when I created the universe" or something to that effect.  And then comes the comfort after the correction: "Be still and know that I am God". Not the easiest thing to do at times but then I find a quiet place and thank Him for loving me so much.

December 31, 2012

I never got around to posting my Christmas Eve thoughts.  And now, here it is-the last day of 2012! Son John had a setback and is back in St. Joseph's Hospital. Son Kevin had a birthday too! I was surprised by my brother Bud arriving here for a couple of days, from Las Vegas, too! And tonight, going to ring in the New Year with my grand kids Lily and Damian!

As I sit here while John sleeps, I'm also thinking about what 2013 will bring. For one-I'm going to turn SIXTY on my next birthday in February. At last I'm comfortable with this "getting older" stuff.  Well, sorta :). I'm trying to think of things I'd like to do this coming year. Goals, tasks big and small ,that never seem to get started, or if they do, don't get as completely finished as I'd like. Most of my hopes for 2013 I really have no control over. Productive work for Kevin, less stress for daughter Kim. Freedom for Eric, and of course, recovery for John. Peace for his wife, and all the joy and love that can be had for my grandchildren. All that being said-I truly don't want for much but desire much for my loved ones.

I DO have some habits I want to change... being a better wife and going to bed instead of crashing on the couch. More exercise, less clutter,  less TV (oh no-giving up Judge Judy & Milian!). I would like more consistency in Bible Study, a better prayer life, and to get my website up again. Quite a list to get started on-all on hold til I get back home to Jersey of course.

OK enough about me! May the Lord bless you MORE in this coming year! What ONE thing are you hoping to accomplish?

Purpose, Prayers, and Expectations

As I sit here looking at my firstborn, I was reminded earlier today in a guest post on Marc Cortez’s “Every Day Theology” that “This is my child, made in the image of God, called for a purpose.”

My baby boy’s condition is slowly but surely improving and many of my initial fears have been relieved to some extent. Realistically, I know that this can change at any time but being the optimist and woman of faith that I am-well, I choose not to go to that dark corner of my mind.  Sometimes it’s not as easy to do as I would like but my faith in God, the strength He provides through the many prayers and support of so many get me past those moments of weakness!  

One of the things that I’ve learned about myself is that I have hidden more scripture in my heart than I thought!  My daily morning walk from my “pod” (what I call my efficiency room) is my time of prayer and recalling and relying on the many promises of Scripture. And you can bet that I’m reminding the Lord of all those promises too! : )

I do seek answers and wisdom…especially as to the WHY. I am sure God has his reasons – and my mind fills up with many of the possibilities.  As I’ve stated before, I’m wondering why the Lord, in His wisdom,  thought I needed a refresher course in patience.  THEN He reminds me that maybe the lesson isn’t for me, but that I’m here to help someone else through the lesson. 

Most of all I wonder what God has planned for John. Today, things are looking up. The fever and infection appear to be on their way “down & out”. That being said, the “what’s next” bridge is getting nearer.  I’m praying for a complete and total return to health for him. Of course that’s what any mom would do. Until they can assess the damage the stroke/aneurysm caused-well, we just don’t know. I AM sure that he is cognitively still my son. He’s moving a little and that is good.  I know that regardless of these things that he’s going to need physical therapy. What I know most of all is that NOTHING is impossible for God. So I’m expecting miracles.

James 5:16 is my verse for today.  Please remember my son John in your prayers! Thanks!

What's a Mother to do??

It’s never easy being “Mom”-watching our babies stumble through this life and wanting to kiss their booboos and smack down anyone that hurts them.  It’s difficult to watch them make mistakes as they grow into their teen years. It hurts most when they do things that hurt so much that you’re not sure you’ll ever get over it---but you do, and welcome the hugs and presents and just get past it and bury the pain.

As they become adults, you hope that all the stuff you told them has made some sort of positive impact on their lives.  A bit of wisdom to guide them on this adventure called “life”.  Getting angry with them when despite all that you’ve tried to tell them, they make dumb mistakes and decisions that ultimately hurt them and all the hopes and dreams they had in their younger years are slowly eroded into what amounts to everyday living, Work, families of their own, and all the sweet simple stuff.

They settle in to their routine and you come to love and accept them just as they are.

As I write this, my first born is in ICU in “guarded” condition fighting for his life.  If you follow me on Facebook, you know the whole story so I’m not going to go through it here. Today, this space is for my selfish side.  To get out all that’s going on in my head. 

I never imagined for a moment that I would be where I am. And I don’t like it one bit! Realistically and logically I know the seriousness of the situation and the possible worst case scenario. Because of my faith, I’m just not accepting THAT outcome. 

Over the past week, since this trial began my faith has grown by leaps and bounds. While I pray all the time, I confess my prayer life in general hasn’t been my strongest spiritual discipline. However, the other day, as I was reading all the comments and support I saw a little seed grow into a prayer tree!  As I posted, I saw friends of friends tell me that their prayer group or church was also praying for John.  And as more folks posted…more groups and churches adding John to their prayers….and so this Prayer Tree is blooming and growing….and I do believe that it reaches all the way into God’s lap!

My laptop wallpaper says it all : “God is in control”.  I’ve yelled at Him, screamed at Him, and most of all, thanked Him for surrounding me with His love-and all of you!

Remember...

This year, I've made the decision to get past this day.  If you've read any of my previous posts, especially for this date, you know where I've been - you know where I was.  Today, I'll be sharing some past photos ... reflect, remember those who died, and please, remember those of us who survived that day, forever changed!

I REMEMBER THIS...

These were taken from my balcony pre 9/11 2001.  My sons Eric and Kevin came to celebrate entering into the new Millenium Dec. 1999

I WILL NEVER FORGET...
As you may know, I was there that day, in the heart of lower Manhattan.  You can read the full story if you like. This was taken 9/12/2001.  Nuff said.

I had a few months on my job before I was laid off...this was taken December 2001, NYSE

MOVING FORWARD...
These were taken in June 2004...the first time I actually ventured out to face the past, to get beyond it. Needless to say, despite my resolve...I still cried, even as I gained hope.

Trinity Church

The Escalator-WTC 2 is one I took regularly before 9/11.  It was good to be able to ride it again!

YES!!

Construction goin' on!

June 2004, the famous IRON CROSS

The WTC "bathtub" that restrains the Hudson

This globe originally stood in the WTC Plaza

The Eternal Flame

That day in June 2004, I came home sad, remembering and to some extent reliving that day-AGAIN
Having the awesome view that we're blessed with, I hadn't let go of what was done...

...the HOLE in my sky!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Last year, on September 13, 2011 I visited the 9/11 Memorial  ...and there I found solace and more importantly HOPE...these were taken that day, and if you ever visit New York City, please don't miss this beautiful place. I look forward to going again soon.

TODAY...
I'm sure that no one, especially in the U.S. will ever forget...completely. As for me, as I look out from my balcony this evening, I will look forward to a new Freedom.  Free of the anger, the fear and the horror of that day.  Full of hope and moving forward!

Taken by my husband, Scott Cole, from our balcony September 10, 2012

Toward UNITY

Aren’t we glad the conventions are over?  I know I am! I’ve been silent due to a really horrendous cold (or allergies?)  which may have been caused by staying up too late to watch all the hullabaloo and post speeches commentary by all the newsies.

There is definitively a stark contrast and a choice that we, as Americans, are privileged to make in November! And I hope you will take the time and effort needed to let your voice be heard.  One of the greatest travesties in our 21^st century America is that only about half of us that are able to vote, actually do. With the changes in some states’ voting laws, please be sure that you are properly registered with the proper credentials.  I am not going to go into the controversy surrounding the changes – my message on this is to BE PREPARED-GET REGISTERED-VOTE!!!

One of the things I’ve noticed is the increased proliferation of “picto-memes” on Facebook.  You know, those created signs, graphs and political statements posted to let us know what’s on their mind.  Much to my embarrassment, even as I desire to be a source of information rather than division, I’ve gotten caught up in a bit of discussion.  Thankfully, I nipped it in the bud before it became a battle of “your guy vs. my guy” and trying to prove the truth or fiction of it.

In my opinion, one of the reasons there’s so much division is because we all want to win; we all want to be right… our way really is the BEST! …and then, in the midst of the heatedness, I’m blessed to remember many of Jesus’ words that bring me back to what’s truly important-especially in the Christian community of believers I belong to and more importantly the Church as a whole.  As Christians our “first love” is to be our God and Lord.  Confession time: I get carried away as I support my candidate! I want him to win.  I believe in his values, his hope and vision for our country…and I bet that you feel the same way about your candidate too.  And it may be that our candidates are not the same!

The last few weeks, I’ve had to re-think my words and comments a number of times…and again, heard stories of anger and dissension because of political discussion.  Family members resort to name calling, friends removing friends from everywhere.  Saddest for me are folks leaving my church family because of the opposing views of others.  Being me, I sought out what Scripture says on how we, as Christians are to conduct ourselves, especially in these highly charged emotional times.  I hope you’ll take a little time to reflect on these things.

• ·         Mark 9:35  Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.”
  In other words, it’s not REALLY that important to win, be the best, or be right.

• ·         Luke 20:25 “He said to them, “Then give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”
  I suggest you read the whole passage in context.  But I like the statement as a reminder of what’s truly important.

• ·         Matthew 5:9   Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. (And check out James 3:18 for back up)
  We are all called to be peacemakers… and again, read the entire Sermon on the Mount-it’s a reminder of our need for perspective.

Paul wrote quite a bit also, and for a biblical view on all things government, check out Romans 13:1-10 and remember that we, as Christians are called to LOVE.

Submission to Governing Authorities

1 Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. 2 Consequently, whoever rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves. 3 For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and you will be commended. 4 For the one in authority is God’s servant for your good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for rulers do not bear the sword for no reason. They are God’s servants, agents of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer. 5 Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also as a matter of conscience.

6 This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God’s servants, who give their full time to governing. 7 Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Love Fulfills the Law

8 Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. 9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”  and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  10 Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

Lastly, consider Paul’s warning in Romans 16:17 - ¹⁷ I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them. ¹⁸ For such people are not serving our Lord Christ, but their own appetites.

From the very beginning, our shared spiritual enemy has used lies, and division to keep us from our greater purpose which is to love God and our neighbor. Those are the commands, and true values we should seek in electing our leaders as well. These, to my way of thinking and believing are our HIGHEST CALLING.